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Favoritism among parents


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Have your parents ever treated you differently then your siblings? In a good way or a bad way? 

I have experienced this since childhood. My mother clearly prefers my brother over us all siblings, and my dad, he used to always defend us girls against him but now my brother's his favorite too. 

It obviously engraved a deep complexity inside of me, and I always feel jealous of my brother. I know that I am more academically and behaviorally better than him, but still, he's the golden son and I'm just another one of their three daughters. One thing that irks me the most is I'm grouped as 'the girls'. Like I'm not anything more than a part of that trio, I don't have my own identity or my own thoughts and feelings. It's always 'the girls this' and 'the girls that'. My sisters feel the same way as me, they also feel tired of this endless cycle where we are just treated as an afterthought. 

I have accepted that I may never be how my brother is to my parents, but sometimes, it still stings. Time doesn't heal all wounds at all, they're still there after all that's passed. 

What about everyone else here? I want to know if it's just my home that's effed up in everything. 

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I'm sorry to hear this. 
I have two older sisters, so we are 3 girls. I have never felt our parents treated us differently to be honest. They might have allowed me to do a few more things compared to my sisters, but probably just because I'm the youngest and times were different back then, and also because parents are always a bit more protective with the first daughter/son. But they don't treat us differently.
But the thing is we are all girls, while you have a brother, so he's the only one different from "the girls". Even though this shouldn't be an excuse to treat you girls that way. Is he older or younger?
Unfortunately that happens in many families, don't feel like yours is different or bad. Have you and your sisters ever tried to tell them how you feel?
 

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2 hours ago, Giulia Monster said:

I'm sorry to hear this. 
I have two older sisters, so we are 3 girls. I have never felt our parents treated us differently to be honest. They might have allowed me to do a few more things compared to my sisters, but probably just because I'm the youngest and times were different back then, and also because parents are always a bit more protective with the first daughter/son. But they don't treat us differently.
But the thing is we are all girls, while you have a brother, so he's the only one different from "the girls". Even though this shouldn't be an excuse to treat you girls that way. Is he older or younger?
Unfortunately that happens in many families, don't feel like yours is different or bad. Have you and your sisters ever tried to tell them how you feel?
 

He's the oldest. I'm the youngest and there's like a 10 year age gap between me and my last sibling. We have tried telling them that, but their only argument is that 'he's the only son' or that 'he's your only brother don't be that way." He gets away with so much stuff which we could never just because of that. And this sexism or favoritism really puts a wedge between our relationship with him and my parents

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I am an only child but I do know cases of this type. I always wonder what it would be like if my parents would prefer a brother more than me. It would be something strange, but I feel that it is almost always normal, parents always have a "favorite" child even though they love their children equally.

In your situation I’m very sorry to read that. But the good thing is that you have accepted this situation. But don’t get mad about that, keep respecting your parents, and if you see they are making a mistake take it as a lesson and don’t be like them when you have children. 

I think when love is pure you try to understand the reasons why.

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42 minutes ago, Tony said:

I am an only child but I do know cases of this type. I always wonder what it would be like if my parents would prefer a brother more than me. It would be something strange, but I feel that it is almost always normal, parents always have a "favorite" child even though they love their children equally.

In your situation I’m very sorry to read that. But the good thing is that you have accepted this situation. But don’t get mad about that, keep respecting your parents, and if you see they are making a mistake take it as a lesson and don’t be like them when you have children. 

I have made a promise that if I ever do have children, they'll be treated equally regardless of their gender or the oneness. It's the fact that they're si open with their favoritism that bothers me. Like at least try to hide it a bit lol

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12 minutes ago, dafniye said:

their favoritism that bothers me

But don’t let that get you, because you’ll be frustrated and you’ll feel like you’re enough. I know they are not acting the right way, but they are your parents and you can’t change that. I bet they love you and your other siblings but don’t get those feelings overcome you. 

And I’m more than glad you’ll be a good mother 💕

I think when love is pure you try to understand the reasons why.

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10 minutes ago, Tony said:

But don’t let that get you, because you’ll be frustrated and you’ll feel like you’re enough. I know they are not acting the right way, but they are your parents and you can’t change that. I bet they love you and your other siblings but don’t get those feelings overcome you. 

And I’m more than glad you’ll be a good mother 💕

Thank you!

It doesn't bother me as much as it did as a child and young teenager. I have learnt to let go of it and not let it consume me.

 

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1 minute ago, dafniye said:

Thank you!

It doesn't bother me as much as it did as a child and young teenager. I have learnt to let go of it and not let it consume me.

 

As you should 🙏🏻 and tell me, how did you felt about it when you were young. If you feel comfortable to share it with us of course

I think when love is pure you try to understand the reasons why.

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Just now, Tony said:

As you should 🙏🏻 and tell me, how did you felt about it when you were young. If you feel comfortable to share it with us of course

Of course. I used to be very jealous, thinking that maybe I wasn't good enough, and that maybe there was something wrong with me. My mother always took my brother's side whenever we fought, even if he was in the wrong, and it used to be these tiny gestures she used to do that would tell me that we weren't the same. I'm sure they love us too, but I guess the love for him is way stronger. 

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1 minute ago, dafniye said:

Of course. I used to be very jealous, thinking that maybe I wasn't good enough, and that maybe there was something wrong with me. My mother always took my brother's side whenever we fought, even if he was in the wrong, and it used to be these tiny gestures she used to do that would tell me that we weren't the same. I'm sure they love us too, but I guess the love for him is way stronger. 

Well, it’s normal from mothers to love their male sons more, and fathers love their daughters more. I bet it’s hard being a child and living this situation because all we need is love and attention. 

I think when love is pure you try to understand the reasons why.

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1 minute ago, Tony said:

Well, it’s normal from mothers to love their male sons more, and fathers love their daughters more. I bet it’s hard being a child and living this situation because all we need is love and attention. 

I wonder why that is. But that's where it went wrong I guess, because our father was basically absent but present, so I guess I didn't receive that extra love and that's why I was envious. 

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2 minutes ago, dafniye said:

I wonder why that is. But that's where it went wrong I guess, because our father was basically absent but present, so I guess I didn't receive that extra love and that's why I was envious. 

Yeah, and that’s why you know have the feeling of letting it go. I’m happy for you about that. 💕 and i know you’ll be a good mother. 

I think when love is pure you try to understand the reasons why.

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2 minutes ago, Tony said:

Yeah, and that’s why you know have the feeling of letting it go. I’m happy for you about that. 💕 and i know you’ll be a good mother. 

Thank you for saying that. I hope I will be if I ever decide to. Because this world needs more good parents instead of parents. 

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On 4/26/2021 at 7:29 AM, dafniye said:

Thank you for saying that. I hope I will be if I ever decide to. Because this world needs more good parents instead of parents. 

Exactly 🙏🏻 Being a parent is hard, I’ve seen so many cases. But it’s not impossible to be a good parent because at the end of they day they want the best for their children. 

I think when love is pure you try to understand the reasons why.

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Of course. I really don't want to be a parent now. Maybe in 5  or 6 years. And I'm thinking adoption would be the best way for me. And if I adopt two children, I'll love them equally. 

I think when love is pure you try to understand the reasons why.

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Me too! I love adoption and if I can provide for children who have already suffered enough, I would feel like I'm doing something right. 

I'm 17 now so no way of children. Maybe in like 10 years or so

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Yes. Totally tbh. My parents somehow always preferred and thread my younger brother waaaay better than me. I was extremely depressed as kid about it. I still have some ptsd from it and bad memories I remember very often.

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50 minutes ago, Triconoutsold said:

Yes. Totally tbh. My parents somehow always preferred and thread my younger brother waaaay better than me. I was extremely depressed as kid about it. I still have some ptsd from it and bad memories I remember very often.

I'm so sorry. It does make you extremely depressed and falls you into a complexion. 

I hope you're recovering from it now and know your worth ❤️

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3 minutes ago, dafniye said:

I'm so sorry. It does make you extremely depressed and falls you into a complexion. 

I hope you're recovering from it now and know your worth ❤️

I am! As you grow older and more independent things change. Unfortunately the tables turned around bad for my parents w/ my brother. Might wanna call it Karma. 

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41 minutes ago, Triconoutsold said:

I am! As you grow older and more independent things change. Unfortunately the tables turned around bad for my parents w/ my brother. Might wanna call it Karma. 

Haha the same's happening for me. He always acts like a spoiled person and my parents are somewhat paying for the price, but still, they don't fully understand yet. 

I'm happy things worked out well for you! 

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1 hour ago, dafniye said:

Haha the same's happening for me. He always acts like a spoiled person and my parents are somewhat paying for the price, but still, they don't fully understand yet. 

I'm happy things worked out well for you! 

Lmao same here! I feel bad for them but they never listen to me unfortunately 😩 i believe it’s hard when you have children thoo

i just pray to God that I’ll be fair to my children 

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2 hours ago, Triconoutsold said:

Lmao same here! I feel bad for them but they never listen to me unfortunately 😩 i believe it’s hard when you have children thoo

i just pray to God that I’ll be fair to my children 

Exactly!! They're like, he's still our child and I'm like aight. 

You will be! You truly sound like an amazing person and I believe the people who suffered the modt as children become the best parents because they know how it feels. As long as you worry about being a good parent, that means you ARE a good parent, because a bad one never worries about that ❤️

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1 hour ago, dafniye said:

Exactly!! They're like, he's still our child and I'm like aight. 

You will be! You truly sound like an amazing person and I believe the people who suffered the modt as children become the best parents because they know how it feels. As long as you worry about being a good parent, that means you ARE a good parent, because a bad one never worries about that ❤️

That’s why my say as well 😭😭

 

and 🙏🏼 ❤️ Same goes out for you!

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